We are born from fire

On this day, six years ago, I made my merry way to a small club here in Berlin. I had a ticket to see a band named BURY TOMORROW headlining that evening. While their album “The Union Of Crowns” had brought me some joy already, I had yet to see them live. Said ticket had only cost 20EUR, so whatever was going to happen that evening, it wouldn’t have been a waste of money. I had no idea what exactly I was getting myself into, all I wanted was having a good time, checking out that band live, and that’s it. Little did I know HOW much this very evening would change my life. How much this band would become my anchor in stormy seas. My light in the darkness. My inspiration to continue the fight against my inner demons named “Depression” and “Anxiety”. My … LIFE SAVERS.

I found myself in a front row spot right in front of the stage and Jason – which has since become “my” spot whenever I go and see them. What was about to go down forged something I lack the words to adequately describe. What I DO know is that I do not regret in the very least that I went to that concert.

And indeed, I had a total BLAST there. Yes, it was wild. Yes, there was chaos behind me (circle pit, anyone?). Yes, it was loud. But. This is METALCORE, and of course it was going to be insane. And yes, that small club was entirely destroyed, haha! 😉

However, during the show, I shamelessly “flirted” with Jason the entire time. But hey, he kinda started it, if I may say so. At some point, he handed me his guitar pick. Which was pretty sweet of him to do. I still have it, it’s in some kind of scrapbook thing-a-ling. The others I have since gotten are on a necklace, or safely stored in a small plastic bag with a bunch of other picks from various bands. The one I got in Dresden last December, that is. But it’ll make its way to said necklace, too.

What happened afterwards, however, triggered this whole mess off for good.

Since Dani had said during their set that we could meet them at merch, I decided, okay, let’s do this. Because why the eff NOT? I wasn’t really sure what to say to them, though, so I just handed them my ticket to get it signed. Four of them were there already: Dani, Dav, Adam and Duwas. Just Jason was nowhere in sight. Hmmm … Well then, I thought, I’ll get my jacket and see if he shows up.

Said and done.

I had just returned when I saw Jason in his entire glory. AND HE SAW ME, TOO. So he walked up to me, smiling widely, and said, “Hey Sweetie! Come here, let’s hug!” I was legit speechless in that moment. A complete stranger had just called me “Sweetie”. Something I barely ever get to hear unless it’s friends. But there he is. This adorable guy with the voice of an angel. So yeah, we hugged. He also signed my ticket, obviously, and asked if I had fun. Which I confirmed. Still entirely overwhelmed because of this “Sweetie” thing. Like … He then looked at me and said, “Hope to see you again soon.” Short pause. “Another hug?” HECK YES!

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I was – and still AM! – amazed by that little gesture. When your self-esteem is somewhere below basement, you’ve been ridiculed a lot in your life because of your looks whatsoever, and a guy you’ve only JUST met calls you “Sweetie”, it does give you a major confidence boost! (And that is also the reason why I am a total Jason-fangirl, and I am entirely unapologetic about it!)

I went back home with a huge grin on my face. At the same time, something inside me “clicked”. The pieces started to fall into place. I had found something. Something which was going to be …MINE. A guiding light. Something to hold on to when things get rough. I am not kidding when I call the lads “my saviors”. AT. ALL. I bought some merch, their CDs, all that, and was hoping to see them again soon. Which happened a good seven months later, and has since taken off to something that I am so fucking THANKFUL for, it’s beyond words.

I am not talking nonsense here when I say that. They have pulled me out of the dark again and again, just like last year when they released “Glasswalk” – at a time when I was going through a nasty relapse. When I needed something to keep me going.

These two lines in the chorus especially hit home:

I’ve seen the light at the end of the walk
These steps lead through the dark

It’s the perfect metaphor of what I went through in my life, multiple times. Especially when my mental health takes yet another nosedive of epic proportions, like at the end of last year. But I had something to look forward to, and that was their gig in Berlin, which coincided with Dani’s birthday.

Thanks to BURY TOMORROW, their personalities, their kindness, their existence, their music, I have found something to help me come out of my shell. Something I treasure more than anything else. Something to keep me sane in this world full of insanity. Something to give me life when shit hits the fan. To make me smile when I think back of each and every encounter with the boys. Moments which will forever be in my heart. When I am around them, I feel well in my own skin. They make me believe in myself again. They CARE about their fans, without charging a single extra Cent. I mean – putting me on the guestlist for their show in Dresden last December? Holy moly! I am still blown away from that – and Dani even said I should just message them if I want to come to a show again spontaneously and need guestlist again. Verbatim.

So when I went to their concert six years ago, I had no idea how big of an impact on my life that evening was going to have. I just wanted to see BURY TOMORROW for the first time. Wanted to have some fun. Take in some live music. It turned out to be one of the BEST decisions of my whole life. No kidding. 20EUR well spent for sure! Six years since that very first gig. Six years of having something in my life NO ONE can EVER take away from me again. Six years of having found somewhere I belong. Six years since I was front row, directly at the stage. Six years since Jason called me “Sweetie” and sealed the deal. Six years I am more than grateful for. Six. Years. And I hope there’ll be many more years to come!

As I am typing this, I am listening to the BAND! playlist on Random, and smile. Smile because of the memories I have created with the boys. And I am so looking forward to seeing them again – whenever that will be because Covid-19. (That being said, because of that damn virus pandemic, they had to postpone the release of their new album “Cannibal” which was supposed to drop yesterday.) And when I DO see them again, I am going to hug the SHIT out of them. That’s for sure.

Jason, Dani, Dav, Adam and Duwas – if you’re reading this: I LOVE YOU GUYS. More than words can say. THANK YOU for everything you’ve done for Yours Truly since that first gig six years ago. For your music. Your inspiration. Your kindness.

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