…but I won’t back down!

Hello there!

I apologize for disappearing from this little corner of the World Wide Web, but the past weeks were really tricky, for the lack of a better word.

My mental health was all over the place, I had a lot of issues to deal with, and the combination of both did take its toll on me. But now that things are looking up again – FINALLY! -, I can honestly breathe not just one sigh of relief. The struggles of the past weeks wore me down, stressed me out, Pain Day included, and I most definitely wasn’t in the mind frame to come here and post. Trust me when I say I was close to lose my shit more often than not.

In order to avoid just that, losing it, I was always on the look-out for those little escapisms to keep me sane. Be it music (which still plays a HUGE role in my life, obviously), being creative, going for a walk every now and then to clear my mind, visiting my godson, or stalking that nightingale to record the little bird’s song (which is, honestly, one of the most beautiful things you will EVER hear in your life). I did it all. I delved into books, too, novels, or – after one certain book which I will not mention on here, those who know me know which one I mean, literally killed the joy I found in reading – a whole load of Batman graphic novels. Anything to divert my mind, honestly.

And you know what? All those little escapisms definitely helped in the whirlwind that I was caught in. No matter which one it was, it was MINE in that moment (and still is). I know, some of those might have looked silly whatsoever, but truth be told? If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. Simple as that. It’s also a form of therapy, because let’s be real here – the world’s become an even bigger Shit Show, there’s an onslaught of social media influx, which makes life even more stressful and exhausting. Now throw in personal struggles as well, and KA-BOOM!

Yeah, no.

That wasn’t fun in the least.

But, just as in the Tom Petty song, “I won’t back down!”

As exhausting as it was, I had my passions, fandoms and all that jazz to give me something to hold on to. And I honestly don’t even care if some might think it’s childish that I still read graphic novels, although I am 40+. Or that I at times carry a teddy bear around (or several when I visit my godson, but that’s another story for another time). It is MY way to deal with life and the state of the world, so there. Plus, Batman kicks ass, “The Dark Knight” is still my fav movie EVER, and I am absolutely unapologetic about that.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what it is that brings you joy. It’s your life and yours alone, and don’t you ever apologize for being YOU, for finding something that helps you pull through when everything else is bleak. Don’t let others ruin it. I know, it’s at times easier said than done, but believe me when I say that I don’t know what I’d be doing if I didn’t have my passions, my favorite things that help me escape when things get too overwhelming. We’re all human. We need those things we enjoy. We all have coping mechanisms that may appear silly whatsoever to others, but which mean the whole fucking WORLD to us.

As I am typing this, I am listening to the OSTs of “Top Gun” and “Top Gun: Maverick” for the umpteenth time this weekend. Which is also my current obsession, and y’all watch my ass headed to the cinema again in the upcoming days to get my second round of “Top Gun: Maverick” in. *chuckles*

This is also something I have come across every so often on social media – people who’re suffering from mental health issues tend to watch their favorite shows or films over and over, because they find comfort in them. There ya go! It’s nothing to be ashamed about. On the very contrary! We deserve something like that.

We’re human, after all.

And as I have previously stated – if something helps you pull through, inspires you, lifts you up, … go for it. Embrace it. It’s YOURS. We only have this one life. And if there’s something that puts a smile on your face, enjoy that very thing. No matter what others say.

…And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down…

******
photo: mine; a pond in Spandau Forest where I went for a walk a couple of weeks ago

One thought on “…but I won’t back down!”

  1. Good on you Kiwi, I know exactly what you are going through and I cope by having lots of cups of tea and watching my favorite shows and movies and switching my brain off from the world. Apparently repetitiveness gives us comfort and thank heavens for that! You are amazing, always! XXX

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