I taste the salty air
Feel the breeze on my skin
Sand beneath my feet
Waves gently rolling in
And in this very moment
I feel alive and free
– Kiwi, 2021
One of the best things that has come out of the whole pandemic nonsense is that I basically rediscovered a way to express myself. Ever since last June-July, I found myself writing free verse again, and I greatly enjoy doing this! Sometimes, it’s a random word that pops up in my mind and which I then will work with, sometimes, it’s a phrase, an image I mentally have in front of my eyes, a random thought, or any other source of inspiration I come across.
All those years ago, in the late 90s to early 2000s, I had my first encounters with that kind of writing, but then, at some point, everything went POOF! and I couldn’t come up with anything anymore. As if that part of my creativity had run dry.
Some time in 2020, I started having the first ideas already, but wasn’t fully sold on anything really. I dabbled here and there, but it didn’t feel …right, for the lack of a better word. If I was writing, it was mostly some journal entries or blog posts, but nothing too overly artsy.
Until BLOOD YOUTH decided to finally release some new music at the end of June last year.
Since then, it’s like the flood gates opened and the ideas come flowing out. The inspiration I have found in their lyrics definitely played a part here – and honestly? Yes, the band – and especially Kaya’s lyrics – got me back into writing!
Admittedly, a whole lot of stuff I have written since is rather dark, but it is also my way of dealing with my Inner Demons, the turmoil of living with a plethora of mental illnesses. However, there are also some that are a little more positive, just like the one I have posted at the beginning of this entry. Including a photo of my Happy!Place.
(Side note: Bestie is gonna take me on a day trip to said Happy!Place at the Baltic Sea next month, and I fucking CAN’T WAIT. Time for some Vitamin Sea again, which is most definitely needed.)
“Happy Place” was actually written while I was in rehab, same for some others. The ideas kept popping up and I simply went with the flow. I kinda HAD TO, I would’ve hated for them to remain hidden somewhere deep inside. I at times would find myself sitting at the desk in my room, laptop open, and happily typing away because those ideas needed to be turned into actual words.
In a way, writing has become another coping mechanism. Dealing with some shit that I need to get out of my system. But also …
There are, just like “Happy Place”, some works of mine which are almost a celebration of life. Yes, I do struggle, and basically since around Christmas, I haven’t exactly been a Happy Camper here. But – creating stuff is helping me a whole lot. It’s wholesome to find a creative outlet for all the negativity and deal with my Inner Demons one word at a time.
But at the same time, when I wrote “Wild Flowers” (also whilst in rehab), I was actually smiling while doing so. I felt I was IN the poem, as if I was standing there, viewing that very scene described in those lines. It was really amazing, to be one with one’s art, if you know what I mean. The first couple of lines came out of nowhere, so I did as stated above – getting my laptop ready, typing away.
Bottom line is – whatever it is that sparks your creativity, go for it. Write down those words. Draw that picture. Paint. Compose. It’s wholesome.
photo: beach in Warnemünde; taken by Yours Truly