…the only thing that remains

through the loss and the pain…

Not gonna lie, I am … EXHAUSTED. Not just because of the on-going mental health issues, and I had some kind of breakdown the other day. Sobbing fits included. But when I, the Empath, look at the current state of the world, I feel more and more powerless. Covid-19, all the conspiracy theories around that pandemic, people not obeying to the simple rules, but be like fuck all about wearing a mask in public. And just as if that wasn’t enough, the world has gone to shit even more. Looking at you, USA … (please refrain from political debates on here, thank you).

I’m just … It’s fucking frustrating these days. I am rather active over on my regular Twitter account, but at times I wish I wasn’t. Just to protect my own goddamn sanity and what’s left of that. I mostly switch channels when the news is on, because I fucking CAN’T.

And as I look on helplessly, I feel more and more overwhelmed from what’s going on.

And at the same time, I am also thankful, because I have found a refuge. A refuge which is MINE. Which NO ONE can EVER take away from me again.

I know, it might sound silly to some, but trust me when I say it’s my anchor in these stormy seas. The much needed distraction from the Shit Show that this world has become. I am, of course, once again talking about the two factors that keep me sane in this mess: BURY TOMORROW and BLOOD YOUTH.

I cannot put into words HOW much these two bands mean to me right now and how GLAD I am to have them in my life. You know, every time I post something on my feeds, be it instagram or Twitter, and it causes a reaction from them – it makes me smile. Just leaving a “like” on IG or Twitter already means SO MUCH. I don’t expect them interacting with me all the effin’ time, but every time I see a band member liked a post or Tweet, I am happy. It may be only a small gesture, but it means that this person took a couple of seconds of their day and read what I wrote. They liked what I had to say.

Every time this little heart pops up on my notifications, it makes me smile. I wouldn’t say I feel “seen” or “heard”, but at least there’s someone who fucking CARES about some words Yours Truly put online. Or maybe they just liked the photo I posted, whatever.

You know, thing is, since there are obviously no concerts going on these days, the bands of course are doing their best to stay connected with the fans. And they use their various social media outlets to do so. The BAND! guys even hold Quiz Nights on Zoom which are hilarious. I mean, they’re rallying their BlackFlame Army, spending some time on Zoom with us and all that jazz. They spend time organizing that stuff, preparing questions and are having an absolute BLAST doing so.

JasePooPillow

That’s Jase when he came in dead last in the last BT Quiz Night. I … had to screencap that.

Then, there’s Dav, their bassist, who is a full-on NERD and regularly streams some video games on Twitch, and it’s SHIGs and Giggles Galore. There’s a real community by now, and we hang out every now and then, chat, have fun, and laugh our backsides off.

I totally welcome that kind of distraction with open arms for sure. It’s just what I need. Easy entertainment, running gags, you name it. It makes me forget the world for a while, and the inside jokes sure are appreciated more than y’all will ever know. I love this little crazy community! And I am thankful and a bit proud (for the lack of a better word) that I can be a part of this, even though I know ZILCH about gaming etc. But just for the SHIGnanigans? Heck to the YEAH!

The other day, the BLOOD YOUTH lads got a Twitch account as well, and while they’re not as active on there YET as Dav is, I am already a regular. *chuckles*
And y’all, while I am still a new fan of that band – the whole obsession took off in February – , I was also really soon “part” of the gang. Fuck, they know my alter ego as well, and legit every time one of them mentions said alter ego on air, I cannot help but smile.

It gives me a feeling of BELONGING. Being PART of something, although I am Just Lil Ole Me, with a buttload of emotional baggage and who’s fighting some Inner Demons on a daily basis. But yeah. I am not lying when I say that I feel like I have found my refuge from the chaos that the world has become. A way to make the world a bit of a better place – even if it’s just for a short amount of time. But to be honest, and I mean BRUTALLY honest, distractions of any kind help. I feel like my mind is on constant overdrive with the news, the racism, the riots, the conspiracies re Covid-19, … yadda yadda, so having a couple of laughs with members of my fave bands definitely cannot be a bad thing!

What makes it even better is, of course, that they know who I am. Well, maybe not my real name, but my nickname. That they, no matter WHOM it is, include said nickname every once and a while whilst goofing around on Twitch or IG. It makes me feel good. Confident (in myself), even.

The other day, things on Twitter got hilarious because I sort of instigated some Twitter “Beef” between Dav from BAND! and Chris from BLOOD YOUTH, which was of course also a bit of a topic on Chris’s stream. Good thing they actually are all friends, and were teasing the shit out of each other way before already, so no one was harmed in the process. Just some laughs. 🙂 Yeah, I take PRIDE in this! I mean, who can say they started a short Twitter battle between her two favorite bands? See … *giggles*

And this is also what I mean. The laughs. The fun. The entertainment. The banter. The interaction. And, ultimately, the kindness of everyone involved.
To an outsider looking in, it may seem absolutely silly, stupid, whatsoever. But I assure you – it’s just what my soul needs these days. It makes me fucking SMILE in this cruel, unsafe, entirely insane world.

Which is why I feel so GRATEFUL for these bands’ existence. For every member giving me a chance to talk to them, albeit mostly on social media these days. For the hangs. For the hilarity. For making my life a bit better. For making it possible to leave all the shit and worries behind for a bit and HAVE SOME LIGHTHEARTED FUN.

Thank you, BLOOD YOUTH and BURY TOMORROW.

Thank you, Kaya, Chris, Big Les and Sam.
Thank you, Jase, Adam, Dav, Dani and Duwas.

I love ALL of you. You mean the fucking WORLD to me. See y’all soon – hopefully.

So long,

Kiwi

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