Cuddles

This little guy up there is Benjamin. He came into my life on a dark, chilly winter’s evening in early 2012. To be precise, on January 6.

After finishing my work day, I decided I deserved a little treat and went to Alexanderplatz, and browse the shopping mall Alexa there. I usually will mostly hang out in bookstores, but that evening, I found myself in front of a store called “Build a Bear” (UK website). Sadly, all of those have closed down for good here in Germany, but alas, that store back then was absolute HEAVEN.

Seeing all those cute little bears on display, I simply felt I had to go in and have a closer look.

Little did I know that “have a closer look” would turn into finding my beloved companion. Or did he find me? I was pretty soon drawn to that cute little face smiling at me and decided to adopt a new friend. I dressed him in blue overalls, and, back then, he also had a pilot jacket which unfortunately has gotten lost in the meantime.
He also came with an actual birth certificate I could fill out. That was the moment when I had to think for a bit about his name. The guy in the store asked if it was gonna be a girl bear or a boy bear, and I said, “A boy.”

I ended up calling him Benjamin.

Which also happens to be my fav boys’ name, mind.

Ever since, Benjamin, a little teddy bear with a happy, friendly smile, has become my beary best friend. He’s been with me on vacations, in therapy sessions, rehabs, hospital stays, a gastroscopy, …you name it. I remember this adorable moment back in 2013 when I was in Barcelona for the FINA Swimming World Championships. I was on the subway, on my way back to the airport, when a little boy with his brother and Dad boarded the train as well. The little boy kept looking at Benjamin all the time, so I waved with Benjamin’s paw and gave the boy a nod. So he came over, caressed Benjamin’s head, and went excitedly back to his Dad, smiling happily and saying, “Suave!” (which means “soft”)
This made my smile as well, because the little boy was soooo happy and excited that he was allowed to say “Hola” to my furry friend and all.

In the course of the years, Benjamin also became my Emotional Support Bear, including the shirt to prove it. And I absolutely don’t care at all if someone has an issue with me, a grown-ass person, bringing my bear with me wherever I go (as in, vacation, doctor’s appointments etc). I just need something to snuggle with at night. A source of comfort when I feel down, upset, or sad. It is not childish at all either, because aren’t we all looking for something (or someone) to hold on to when things get rough? See …

For me, that “something” is Benjamin. I need him to fall asleep, to calm down when the nerves – aka anxiety – kick in. He’s well loved in the meantime, as you can see, but as I have said: cuddles are always welcome.

For the past couple of years, a bunch of other furry friends – especially Calico Champs – from BaB have joined the hug. Pretty much all of them have a name and their own little bearsonality. (I remember one day during a vocational training, when one of my classmates said, “You really have a way to photograph the bears, looks like they really have a personality!”) Some of them are still coming with me when traveling, and especially whenever I visit my Mom and my godson.

On my last visit there, my godson asked what would become of my bears when my time has come and I am dead? If he may have the bear collection then? (He has severe allergies which make it next to impossible to have a stuffed animals collection.) Actually, that is what I also had been thinking about for some time – what is gonna happen to my plushies? But there is still some time for me to make plans here, or so I hope.
Mom, godson and I were sitting together, and the wee man suggested I’d use a real coffin when I’m dead, “so that I can place Benjamin in there.”
Whom of y’all is cutting onions in here??

Earlier this year, a well-loved person in the Plushie Community, Helen, peacefully passed away in her sleep. (Side note: this is exactly what I hope will happen to me, too. Simply falling asleep and never waking up again. Without pain, and peaceful and quiet.) She and her companion, simply called Bear, went on various trips together, meeting other plushies, their hoomans, and making friends wherever they went. I regret that I never really interacted much with them on insta, but their adventures together were sure one of a kind. Since they both were practically inseparable, Bear also joined her on her last big journey.
Reading all that on insta made me sob like Hell (can’t help it, fam, I can be a total mess if something is pulling my heartstrings …), and then I remembered my godson’s words.

Yes, Benjamin, we’ll be together fur-ever. Even in the Great Beyond. Over the Rainbow Bridge. Up there with Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. And I hope that some of you will think of me (and Benjamin!) whenever you look up into the night sky and see those two constellations.
I know, it’s still some time until then, but I just had to write down my thoughts here.

And now … I gotta cuddle my Beary Best Friend, my Emotional Support Bear, my Benjamin.

******
pic: mine