Yes, that is my drawing of Tom Cruise you can see here. And it is the first one in a good three years that I actually made.
Which leads me to today’s blog post. Namely, on how being creative in one way or another has become a coping mechanism when my mental health goes south.
I have always been a creative soul. I would write down TV advertisements, develop fictional stories in my head, occasionally draw or paint (I just disliked art class in school because you were always forced to draw or paint something which then you’d get a grade for) create stuff with Legos. It has always been “mine”, my way to express myself. As the years went by, I loved writing the most, from handwritten journal entries to free verse poetry to stories and blog posts.
Art therapy during my several stays in various psychosomatic / psychiatric clinics were something I greatly loved, because there were no real topics. You were given the material you wanted to use and off you go! I remember doing a collage one day: I’d flip through various magazines that were there in the stack, cutting out pictures or words, and when it came to sorting them in, I realized that my subconscious had already sorted them into two piles. One pile, the smaller one, was about words or images I’d associate with depressio and anxiety. The far bigger one was things I loved and enjoyed. And there was also some kind of angel statue I’d cut out. That one became some sort of “guardian angel”. I’d then arranged said images and words on a huge sheet of paper and decided to make some kind of clouds out of them. The dark rain cloud in the lower right corner and the white fluffy cloud with all the good stuff dominating the page. The guardian angel then served as some kind of barrier to not let the black cloud take over. It was super fascinating in a way to see how I had already chosen two categories whilst just looking for images and stuff in those magazines …
I’d also draw or paint some other things, worked with clay and soapstone, and just seeing how something was coming to life because of my doing was rather interesting.
I’d occasionally also draw at home, losing myself in the process, listening to music and just being “in the moment”. Unfortunately, drawing took a real backseat at some point, but I instead picked up creating calendars with self-taken photos for friends, scrapbooking …that kinda thing.
Currently, I am working on a Tom Cruise Scrapbook. I started with the project back in mid August, and it’s still a lot of fun. And I mean A LOT. Going through clippings, photos, stickers and all that is just one part of the fun. The other part is that I just love arranging and re-arranging said materials on the pages. It helps me to calm the storm in my head. It keeps my hands busy. It makes me smile to see yet another page in this scrapbook finished. I can’t wait to get it signed by the Man Himself at some point!
Which leads me to the drawing I used as today’s featured image …
As I have said already, I hadn’t made any drawings in some time. 3+ years, give or take a couple of months, so yeah, it’s been a while. But a couple of days ago, I was suddenly kissed by the Muse and decided to dig out pencils, eraser, ruler and all that jazz and give it a try again. I had originally started working on a different drawing of Tom, but I now consider that one as some kind of “warm up” to get a feel for it again.
I then looked for another photo of him and ended up with a lovely one from the “Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning” premiere in London last year. I looked at it for a moment and was all systems go. Printed it out, and got to work. I kept taking photos of the process which I happily shared with friends as well as my Twitter audience.
And bit by bit, the (out-)lines on the paper became Tom’s face, hair, hands, eyes … and the more Tom was visible, the prouder I felt. Here I was, not having made a pencil drawing in 3+ years and about to finish my first one since. I don’t want to toot my own horn too loudly, but I was – and still am! – really pleased with the outcome.
Why I haven’t made a drawing in so long, you wonder?
Short answer: I wasn’t able to. Plain and simple.
Thing is, I have to be in a certain mindframe, mood, if you will, to be drawing. I need to feel the materials as well as the picture I am going to make a drawing of. And of course I also need to feel the actual drawing. If one of those factors isn’t 100% there, it’s of no use. If I realize at some point that I am using the wrong pencil, I simply swap it. But if other things don’t really add up, well … I might not even finish the drawing.
This is also why I won’t do commissions. First of all, there likely is some kind of deadline when I have to be finished. No likey. I do this for funsies, and on my own terms. Being “pressured” to finish a drawing when I am stuck or whatever (as in, asking “How far have you gotten with the drawing, yet?”) won’t help. I have to enjoy the process.
So when I started working on the Tom Cruise drawing, I immersed entirely in it. I shut out the outside world entirely by additionally listening to music. It was just me, the music, my pencils and my eraser. And of course the photo I was turning into a drawing. I spent some hours (with breaks, of course) on it, that’s for sure, and mostly in the evenings, as for some reason I am more creative when it’s later in the day. No idea why …
What I do, however, know is that I – FINALLY after a bit of a drought – not only started a drawing, but also finished it and am still in love with the result.
The plan is to actually give it to Tom at some point. Not just because I am still on that Cruise, but because thanks to him, I was able again to pick up my utensils and draw. I had found the inspiration which had run dry in the last couple of years back.
Will I get back into drawing a bit more now? Not sure. But you never know! I actually just …might. Because this one was so much fun and relaxing!
Being creative sure has a wonderfully positive effect on me, it is a part of me, it is what helps me to deal with the world outside when it’s too loud or too hectic for me. And it doesn’t matter what it is – writing, scrapbooking, drawing … -, as long as I can do something, bring something to life, with my own hands, I am satisfied.
What is your go-to coping mechanism when you’re stressed or need a break from the world? Let me know!
Cheers!
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photo: mine, d’oh!
Ocean Soul 